Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. –Ephesians 6:4
I have been working with youth full time for 10 years. As a veteran youth pastor I often wonder where the church is headed as I observe the Christian youth today. Some of the youth that worry me the most are those that have been in the church their entire life, have made a “profession of faith”, but somehow do not seem to be true disciples of Jesus Christ. I wonder if they have been exasperated rather than nurtured and taught what it means to truly follow after Christ. I wonder if they have been given a list of rules to check off as if they were given a grocery list and sent off to the store of life on a chore. I wonder if Jesus seems like a chore to them.
In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul addresses the Christian home in such a succinct way. He says literally, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, instead, nourish them in the instruction and admonition of the Lord.” These are simple instructions for the Christian parents. Do not provoke them. Nourish them. Instruct them. Admonish them. All of these instructions are wrapped up in families worshipping together. I do not mean to suggest that you can follow Paul’s instructions to their fullest by taking them to church alone. However, worshipping together as a family is an integral part of the Ephesians 6:4 model.
DO NOT PROVOKE THEM. I love to tease my kids. Not in a derogatory way. I love to play jokes on them. My wife often hates it when I play jokes on my kids because she knows I often push the limit so far that someone ends up very frustrated. My son loves to eat peanuts and will often ask me for just a few to snack on. I will kid with him and say, “Daddy ate them all.” We will get into a sort of verbal spar as I take on a serious face. Finally, my son will notice the small start of a smile on my face and his eyes will light up as the joke registers with him. “Daddy, you’re teasing!” This will usually end up with a handful of peanuts in my sons hands. When Paul speaks of provocation he is talking about a kind of exasperation. Literally he is saying that parents must not provoke their children to anger. I wish that he had given this instruction to my children!
What provokes our children to anger when it comes to Sunday worship? I suggest that hypocrisy in worship will do more damage to our children than almost any other
sinful behavior. Hypocrisy in worship and the home will crush a child’s view of God quicker than any book, movie or video game. Human beings hate hypocrites. I attended a community meeting once. You could feel the hatred that the people in the room had for the president of the association because he was viewed as a hypocrite. Here was the man who was supposed to keep the community clean and deed enforced. Meanwhile, he was a lawbreaker and his sidewalks were discolored as a result. This leader did not lead by example. When parents don’t lead by example the children in the home will resent them. If we are going to instruct our children to worship than we must be willing to teach them what it means to worship. This means that we must be present with them, singing with them, reading Scripture with them and not forsaking the assembly of the church. This means that we can’t lift our hands in worship on Sunday while lifting them in anger during the week. It means that we cannot praise God with our tongue and kill our kids with words on Monday.
We cannot tell our children how important the worship of God is to our lives if we make worship something convenient. It is convenient to drop your kids off at Sunday School and worship alone. This will eventually provoke your children to anger in this area when you “make the switch” as they get older. Do not provoke your children to anger but rather teach them and admonish them and nourish them in the way of worshipping together as a family.
NURTURE YOUR CHILDREN. If you were to starve your children and the State were to find out, you would surely receive a visit from Child Protective Services. But if you were to feed your children Chicken McNuggets and ice cream for every meal no one would know the difference. However, you would still be starving your children and in fact killing them over a long period of time. Paul gives the parents instruction to nurture or “bring up” our children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord. Worship is as essential to our children’s spiritual growth as vitamins are to their physical health. Luke 2:52 says that Jesus himself “increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.” He had a perfect balance of spiritual growth as a child. He was involved with the local synagogue and was well versed in the Scriptures. He experienced corporate and family worship.
Body worship on Sunday morning is an excellent opportunity to nurture your children. Let’s be honest—children don’t always want to come to church. I remember catching a mysterious cold on Sunday mornings when I was a child. Somehow I was always healthy by 12pm when it was time to go out and play. Your doctor would think that you were insane if you said that you didn’t feed your children healthy food just because they didn’t like it. We do more battle with our children at the dinner table over physical nutrition than we do over their eternal destiny on Sunday mornings! Your children aren’t going to hear every word the preacher says. Lord knows your mind wanders too. Your children will pick up on more than you realize as you worship with them. Sunday morning body worship was a steady diet for me when I was a child. My morning started with Junior Church but ended with corporate worship or vice versa. The leaders of GRPC desire that you would nurture your children in worship every Sunday morning.
INSTRUCT YOUR CHILDREN. This word has the meaning of discipline. The Bible is clear that a loving Father will discipline his children. An unloving father will not discipline his children (Hebrews 12). The idea of discipline is a lost, well, discipline. We are told to let our children
express themselves. If you examine this kind of thinking through the theological grid of total depravity you will be taken to a very depressing end. If we let our children express their depravity we are in for a world of hurt and heartbreak. The expression of many children in worship might be, “I am bored.” They might be bored because you are bored. You must be engaged in worship. You must sing the psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. You must engage the Lord Jesus Christ in worship. You must come face to face with your sin and God’s grace in the preaching of the Word. You must investigate what you are being taught so that you can admonish your children in what they have heard. You must apply what has been taught on Sunday morning to the lives of your children.
Worshipping together as a family will often require discipline. I am not saying that you need to bring a wooden spoon to church in order to worship. But you must be consistent and never wavering. Discipline requires consistency. Our discipline must always be in love and never unrighteous anger.
Learning God’s Word does not always have to be fun. In fact sometimes it is just the opposite. Worship is not always fun. In fact sometimes it is heart wrenching. I bought a new puppy in December and am now in the stages of training her to walk on the leash. I don’t want her rushing ahead of me and darting after every moving object. So I have purchased a choker chain that goes around her neck on our walks. As soon as she wanders off I snap her back into place and say, “Heel.” The walks have become less and less of a fight and more pleasurable as the dog and I enjoy each other and our surroundings. My dog needs that “snap” and that chain as instruction and discipline to correct her way. However, if my dog could talk, I am sure she would not call the collar all that much fun. Interestingly enough, when I come to her with the chain, she begins to wag her tail because she knows it means it is time to walk. This was not always so.
Our children might go through phases of hating church. It might be boring to them for a
time. But as we continually instruct them and discipline them and teach them in the ways of the Lord they will grow to enjoy the presence of God as he renews their heart and brings them to faith in Jesus Christ. They will no longer see the choke chain but rather the opportunity to walk in the presence of God.
ADMONISH YOUR CHILDREN. This means to instruct and encourage. This may sound repetitive. However, this word stresses the verbal communication between parents and children. This word stresses the actual teaching of a child from the Word of God. The Proverbs are instructions from a father to a son. This means that the application of worship is the direct responsibility of the parent—not the preachers or the leaders of the church.
The greatest encouragement and the greatest repercussions of corporate worship are exercised in the home. When the Supreme Court handed down its ruling against required prayer in the public schools, the famous editorial cartoonist Herblock published a cartoon in the Washington Post showing an angry father waving a newspaper at his family and shouting, “What do they expect us to do—listen to the kids pray at home?” The answer is: Yes! Home is the place where the children ought to learn about the Lord and the Christian life. It is time that Christian parents stop “passing the buck” to Sunday School teachers and Christian day-school teachers, and start instructing and encouraging their children.
SO WHAT ABOUT WORSHIP? Hebrews 10:24 says that we must not forsake meeting together. Jesus says that we must not forsake the little children in our assembly. Acts 2 says that the promise of the covenant of grace is for us and for our children. I could go on and on but you get the point. It is our desire that families would worship together. We do not want our families to simply drop their children off at Sunday School and attend the worship service. We want our families to worship as one so that you might be able to follow the instructions of Ephesians 6:4.
How does this work out at GRPC? When your children are too old for nursery it is time (and perhaps earlier depending on the child) to begin teaching them about corporate worship. If you are a Sunday School participant this would mean having your children with you in the 11am service. If you do not go to Sunday School or you attend the 9:15am service this would mean having your children attend with you in the 9:15am service and leaving the Sunday School teaching and application up to you in the home from day to day. Another suggestion for 9:15am parents would be to attend worship in the 9:15am service while your kids are in Sunday School and then attend the 11am service with your children.
I remember when my first child was born. I would be showing her off to various friends and family and they would all warn me that the years would pass by quickly. I would agree with them but I did not fully understand the weight of those warnings. Every night when I put my son to bed I tell him that he must know that he can talk to daddy about anything. I assure him that he can talk to me when he is sad, mad, angry, hurt, afraid, broken hearted and the like. I tell him he can talk to me about school, girls, and his hopes and fears. Now he has no idea what it means to talk to me about girls. But there will never be a day when he hasn’t heard that he can approach me about girls. That way, when he lays his eyes on his first crush, he knows that one man he can approach without fear or rejection—his father. I am training our children the same way in worship. They may not fully understand what justification means but there will come a day when it all clicks. I hope that they are realizing the importance of corporate worship as they begin to attend the services with us. Sometimes it will be boring for them and hard to swallow. That is where I come in. Now that the preacher has closed in prayer it is time for me to step up to the plate and to begin swinging at the pitches my children throw my way. By the Lord’s grace and mercy I will not strike out but rather watch how my children will continue to walk upright in the ways of the Lord and never depart from them.
year and know that I am in dangerous territory. But I always find encouragement that Monday is just around the corner. On that day I will eat right, drink more water and stop with all of the junk food. However, when Monday arrives so will the invitation to go out to eat with someone for a meeting, special lunch or just to hang out. Now my resolve is put to the test. Will I adhere to conviction or will I fold like a cheap lawn chair?
year and know that I am in dangerous territory. But I always find encouragement that Monday is just around the corner. On that day I will eat right, drink more water and stop with all of the junk food. However, when Monday arrives so will the invitation to go out to eat with someone for a meeting, special lunch or just to hang out. Now my resolve is put to the test. Will I adhere to conviction or will I fold like a cheap lawn chair?
